I've done a lot of spying in my life but it's usually to catch a liar or a rule breaker. Although my spying is limited to my children at the moment I believe I might rent out my services one day.I am that good. But today is different. I am standing just outside of a kindergarten classroom doing my best to look through the glass partition without being noticed by one Zachary Harris, a.k.a. Don Lover Boy. I shouldn't be here really but I lie to myself and say it's because it's his birthday and I am simply popping in to surprise him but the truth is I am here in case he needs me.
I became worried this past weekend when we celebrated his birthday at the house. In an attempt to placate his need to be responsible I gave him his invitations to pass out at school. He came home beaming and said that he had given everyone he cared about an invite and couldn't wait for his birthday party. We had planned a party for twenty two sugar fueled six year olds and were surprised when after an hour only one girl had shown up. Wanting to make the best of a dismal turn out we decided we would lie and told Zach that we were sorry but most everyone had called and was sick with a stomach bug. With a confused look on his face he turned to us and asked, "What do you mean? I only invited Madison." We were stunned into silence.
The party was a bit awkward as all Zach wanted to do was stare at Madison and all Madison seemed to care about was playing with his sisters' dolls. Whenever he would come near her she would get up and find a new place to play. By the time Madison's mom picked her up Mike and I knew two things for certain: Zach had his first full fledged crush and Madison could care less about him. Part of me was mad at six year old Madison for not recognizing what a great catch she was throwing away. Zach had excelled at kindergarten. He was taller than everyone else, a natural athlete, could recite his ABC's in two languages and had not had a single bathroom accident to date. Not to mention he was the cutest little guy in that school with his long eyelashes, olive skin and sandy blond hair. But I didn't let her poor life choices affect me much. I only stayed up half the night worried about my son getting his poor little heart broken by a woman who did not value his worth.
The truth was that Kindergarten was a bit harder than I had expected it to be, not for Zachary but for me. It seemed that in a blink of an eye he stopped being my baby and became this little version of Mike. He got himself dressed in the morning and brushed his teeth and hair without my needing to remind him. He looked forward to going to school and it hurt just a little bit when he ran right into the school without a single look back at me that first day and every day since. Sure he let me hug and kiss him but the times he seeked me out were becoming fewer and far between. He spent more time playing games with his older brother and father than he did cooking with me in the kitchen. With his new independence came some scrapes and bruises but until Madison came into the picture, they were mostly on the outside. I just seemed to have trouble with the concept that he was going to have battles I couldn't fight and scars I couldn't prevent and that is why I stood outside of a classroom waiting to see if my son got his heart broken.
As if on cue, I saw Madison push my son away and storm off with another boy to the reading area. Zach just stood their motionless as I walked in carrying cupcakes for the class. My heart was breaking for him but I knew there was nothing I could do but just be there if he needed me. After the class sang him "Happy Birthday" I sat down next to him and asked him how he was doing. With a far away look in his eyes he told me that things with Madison hadn't worked out. I took his little hands in mine and was ready to give him the pep talk I had prepared in my sleepless night when he looked me in the eyes and said, "I had to break up with her mom. I just love someone else." I found myself mute for the second time in a week. "I love Zoe mom," he said as he waved at a cute little girl who had just raised her head from praying over her cupcake and immediately she smiled back at him. "She's just like you". He sighed and looked at me. "She lets me eat half her sandwich every day at lunch."
I was relieved to find that his sixth birthday would be joyous one after all and that love was alive and well in the kindergarten world of Gulf Breeze, Florida. And was changing on a minute by minute pace. Just when I thought the day couldn't get better Zachary crawled up into my lap and put his arms around me. "But your sandwiches taste a lot better mom."
It warmed my heart that he was mine for at least a few more years. Zoe was just going to have to learn to share. I broke my public display rule with my little man and squeezed him tight and kissed him on the neck till he burst out laughing and then I thanked my Heavenly Father for letting me know that my bright son had already learned the most important lesson in life when it came to an eternal companion; to seek someone who loves the Lord and you selflessly.
Happy Birthday my sweet Zachary. I miss you like my bones are broken.
No comments:
Post a Comment